Monday, April 23, 2018 || 12:20 AM

It just dawned to me that I am actually living. Actually, I just realize how much of life I'm experiencing. You know that point of your life where you stop to look at how far you've come - yeah, I'm doing that right now.

My younger sister keeps asking me questions as she's choosing her polytechnic courses. She has thrown away the choice of going into a Junior College because well, the girl can't even bear another minute in the rigid system. I don't blame her, though I have to admit that my choice of going to a polytechnic has probably got to do with her decision. Through her questions, it just made me realize how much she actually counts on me for this kind of information - the kind of information I didn't know I had answers to. That was when the realization sinks in - I am living.

After years of waiting for my last breathe, I am finally living. I have something to look forward to each day. I look forward to the day I get to see my family again. I look forward to the day I finally get to meet Marcus again. I look forward to the day I get my degree. I look forward to the weekends because Sharifah might come by and take us out on another great adventure around Brisbane.

With this, I'm more conscious of the fact that every mistake, every right doing, everything you do will affect you and your life in one way or another. That's just how life is. It comes and goes. It begins and ends. I just hope that I become a better person from this experience. I just want to live my life to its fullest, within the Divine's rules.

The last run

Saturday, January 06, 2018 || 6:01 PM

Last run of university - that is, if I choose not to take up honours. Oh, and happy new year!

Finally it's 2018, the year I've been waiting for, for a really long time. So many things to actually do this year - & I'll probably save the list for another post. Go go go, 2018!

Anyways, I went to Sydney a while ago and keep putting this post off for undue reasons. Sydney was lovely and I'm definitely coming back to experience the place wholly by myself before I leave the country just because I feel like it wasn't properly explored before. There's just more food, more pictures and more experiences needed to be covered there. Thinking of whether I should actually go by myself since I'm more or less familiar with the place.

This trip was actually a pretty funny one - it was so spontaneous though planned to an extend. I asked my friend 2 weeks before the trip if she wanted to come to Sydney with me and she said yes. Off to Sydney we go then! Did I forget to mention that we went to Sydney a week before hell week of university, because why not right?

Nonetheless, managed to snap some great photos - and by that, I mean just selfies and strange photos because we were busy immersing ourselves in the moment.

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Let's run away

Tuesday, August 29, 2017 || 3:53 PM

The funny thing about being down is that you often think you're in the worst predicament the universe can ever put you in. Was I affected? Definitely. I was devastated. My heart probably needed a minute, for it to wallow in misery, but it's running well now. My guards are up, sorta, and I'm ready to run again. 

But hey, you came into my life and taught me to love myself and appreciate the world and people around me. For that, I'm thankful. You're special and a great person. Whatever happens, I wish you the best. 

One of my best friends visited me last weekend and I miss her so dearly. I can't wait till the other bestie comes from Singapore. We're planning something during summer and I can't wait. Brought her to the Gold Coast and Brisbane City. It was pretty chill, no commitments - just how we like it. Also, I met a new pal who lives nearby. He's such a sweetheart - again, friendships in unexpected situations. 

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Note to self

Saturday, August 19, 2017 || 12:29 PM

I told you, didn't I? I told you not to. I told you so. 

One of the many horrible circumstances in life that you can possibly land yourself in, is to be blessed with the curse of being a pushover. A pushover; I've been told many times that I'm the perfect example, epitome in fact, of a pushover.

In a work setting, being a pushover is inevitable for someone who's just starting out - Asian mindset here, it's like giving the higher ups some form of respect I guess. In a way, it's to satisfy their sadistic needs for superficial power.

But today, I'm not talking about work. I'm talking about personal relationships. It's sad to have someone you really care about, take advantage of your feelings for them. It's disappointing to actually acknowledge that this person you care about, highly likely, does not even know how much they affect you with their actions. It's depressing to know that you actually realise the situation but since you are a pushover, you can't get out of this cycle.

I'll try to keep to these new rules, in every hope that it'll help me get over this dreadful trait.

1. Don't be too nice
2. Learn to say "No"
3. Be more selfish and think of your feelings
4. Hurting someone may inflict some guilt in you, but you have to do it sometimes
5. Don't let your guard down
6. Conceal, don't feel, don't let them (know) in

Note to self: The next time someone reaches their hand out to you when you're falling, be sure to check this hand once, twice or maybe thrice, just because there's a 49.6% chance that he might push you deeper into that hole.

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